How do we define a selfish person?
Well! there can be various definitions and explanations for this one term. Despite that I will define selfish people as those individuals who are entirely concerned about their selves.
Therefore, in the light of this definition, an individual who considers his own interests, his own needs without thinking about other people will be called as a selfish person.
In simple terms, we can conclude that the selfish people are concerned with only their own needs and requirements, without considering the needs of other people around them.
Such people can be called as to be self centered individuals, who for the sake of their happiness, needs and personal interests carelessly step over other people.
So, now in this article, we will take a look at some of the things that are done by such self centered and self absorbed people.
Further, we will also account for some of the ways for dealing with such kind of people and will consider some of the related characteristics and examples of such self absorbed people.
🌠 Here are the Things Selfish People Do 🌠
There are so many things that the selfish people do. Out of these various things, some are mentioned below.
1. Demand attention
Well, if you account for the overall nature of a self centered person, then it is an attention demanding nature. Such type of people ensure that all of the attention is directed towards them.
It kind of appears that they want the whole world to revolve around them and give them proper attention.
Well, and if the things don’t go as they have expected, then it will easily infuriate them.
But overall, what such type of selfish people do is that they look for different ways and methods to gain and seek as much attention as they can.
2. Self centered behavior
As already stated that the selfish type of people want the world to revolve around them and based on this, they have a self centered behavior.
This self centered behavior or approach motivates them to see themselves in the spotlight as compared to other people. And they will usually do anything to reach in such a spotlight.
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3. Overemphasize accomplishments
This overemphasizing of achievements and accomplishments is also a thing that is done by such type of self centered people.
In order to fulfill their enormous egos, they portray their accomplishments in such a way as to make them seem bigger.
4. Domination desire
It is mostly observed that the selfish type of people have domination desire based nature.
What they like is to dominate every scenario and control every situation.
Further, such domination will be in their benefit and they will be the one who will gain benefit from it.
This is also one of the most commonly observed thing that most of the selfish nature people do.
Actually, for such people gaining the benefit is the only thing that matters irrespective of the methods that thy use to do so. For them, there is no distinction between right and wrong as they always consider themselves as right.
So, such people also manipulate others just in order to get their benefit, and for them such gain through manipulation is not wrong.
Apart from these things, there are a lot of other things as well that such selfish nature individuals do in order to benefit themselves.
For instance, such people make schemes, make endless demands, don’t show their weakness, don’t care about others and so on.
So, all of these are the things done by such individuals with the main intent of gaining benefit and are exclusively concerned about themselves.
✐ Tips on How To Deal With Them ✐
Now, as we have discussed regarding to the things that the selfish people do, there are also different methods and ways by which we can deal with such type of selfish people.
1. Accept their nature
So far, you might have become well aware about the selfish nature of such type of people. The thing that you have to do is to accept their nature.
You have to understand that these type of people do not have any type of regards for someone else.
You have to accept that they won’t care about your priorities, your requirements and needs.
You just accept their nature and try several other methods to deal with them.
2. Give due attention to yourself
This is also a very effective method for dealing with selfish people. Actually, what these people do is that they want all the attention to be directed towards them.
They believe that all the attention is deserved only by them as they are the center of the attention, and no one else should be given that attention.
Therefore, one of the best method to deal with such type of people is that you turn their table upside down. What I actually mean is that instead of giving everything to them, you should start focusing on yourself.
You should give yourself due attention and forget about them. Just simply focus on your needs and save your energy for those people who really need you.
3. Don’t give attention to them
Almost identical to the above mentioned point, you should provide yourself with due attention and stop giving selfish people attention.
Seeking attention is exactly what these type of people are looking for. Selfish friends only look for attention and that’s all. They are not worried about other people.
Therefore, instead of giving them sympathy, you should focus on yourself and avoid such type of toxic relationships.
4. Talk about your personal interests
One thing with such type of selfish people is that because of their selfish behavior, they prefer their self interests. They act as self centered person, making their needs top most priority.
In a conversation, such people only talk about themselves only and don’t think about others feelings and interests.
Therefore, generally speaking, in order to deal with selfish people, one thing that you can do is instead of listening to their talks, you should also talk about your personal interests as well.
You are not a listener only. Rather, you can also talk on a topic that you like.
5. Don’t do what they tell you to do
This is also a very important aspect that you need to keep into consideration while dealing with selfish people.
Most of the selfish people make other people do things for them. They make other people fulfill their emotional and relational needs.
In order to deal with selfish people, one thing that you should definitely do is to stop acting as a puppet in their hands. They won’t do anything for you, so why are you fulfilling their each and every order?
Although, it is good to help someone when they need us, but we have to identify selfish people and stop acting as a puppet in their hands.
So, following were some of the ways that can help you to deal with people who are only taking benefit from you because of their selfish behavior.
In my opinion, people having self centered behavior extremely should not be helped as they will make you a puppet and will make you run on their moves.
♨ Characteristics of a selfish person ♨
There are different sets of characteristics that are present in selfish people. Some of these are as follows.
➫ Good manipulators
Most of the selfish people are very good at playing manipulation games.
In simple words you can say that they can easily make someone do their job by using manipulation tricks. They can make use of you for getting their specific purposes to be fulfilled.
➫ Put themselves ahead
This is also a very prominent characteristic of selfish people as you will observe that they put themselves ahead in every beneficial aspect.
You will notice that they put their own goals ahead and make them their top priority. They won’t care about the goal and benefit of some other person.
➫ Remain in a relationship with a purpose
This is also a main characteristic of selfish people that they remain attached to someone as long as they need something. They will remain in a relationship until they have a purpose. We can call such things as short lived relationships.
They will always have a favor to ask from you and will need you to do their works. They will be with you as long as you are fulfilling their purpose.
➫ Neglect needs of other people
Selfish people are actually those type of people that neglect the needs of other people. They won’t care about your needs and requirements. We can also say that such people don’t have a compassionate view towards other people.
Such people usually don’t care about other people, their feelings, their emotions mean nothing to such people and they remain conveniently busy working for their personal gains.
➫ Push people for personal gains
If you are doing something that is beneficial not only to you, but for your selfish friend as well, then he will push you to do that thing or task. The main reason behind this would be their personal gain.
Basically, what they are trying to do is to make you do the work through a direct request and as a consequence, they will gain benefit as well. So, based on their personal gain, they will push you to do certain tasks.
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☸ Ways on How do you tell a selfish person they are selfish? ☸
Well, definitely this is not an easy task to tell someone directly on the face that you are a selfish person. This can be a really tricky thing to do and the situation requires an honest verdict but still, accusing someone directly can be very inconvenient.
So, following are some of the ways that can help you in order to tell someone that they are being selfish.
➤ Gentle approach
Probably, this is a situation t hat demands a gentle approach. Directly talking to someone about their selfish nature can make people react badly.
The important thing here is that you should go with a gentle approach as to developing stronger relationships and try to figure out a solution. It might help you in establishing a gradually evolved and stronger relationships.
➤ Effective dialogue
Another thing that you can do in order to make a selfish person aware of their act is that you should try to have an effective dialogue and empathetically listen to each other.
The benefit of such an effective dialogue will be that it will clarify their errors and mistakes and might help him to get back on the track and it might make them more thoughtful and compassionate people.
Further, having an effective dialogue will also help them to see your point of view more clearly, therefore, it may help in causing a major change.
➤ Talk about your feelings
Saying someone directly that they are being selfish is a bit odd thing. It can probably lead to some serious consequences.
In such a situation, what you should do is that you should talk to that person and tell him regarding to your feelings and look for emotional support as well as try to establish a mutually generous relationship.
Accusing that person will not be of any benefit, rather talking in an effective manner with some strings attached will definitely work out for you.
➤ Be specific
Another way through which you can make a selfish individual realize their error is that you should be specific while having a conversation regarding to your needs and requirements.
For instance, instead of saying to them directly that they are being selfish, you can say that you need more support from them. In this manner, you will be able to convey your feelings while maintaining the situation under control and will observe improvement results.
➤ Address their selfish behavior politely
What you have to do is that you have to point out their specific behavior that according to you is causing all the disturbance. Then simply explain it to them about the consequences of that specific behavior.
One important aspect that needs to be in consideration here is that while telling someone about their selfish nature or behavior, try to address this situation in a calm manner instead of threatening them as it may lead to an unproductive conflict.
Calmly and politely, this can be easily resolved
⌧ Kinds of selfishness ⌧
Well, generally speaking there are different types or kinds of selfishness. Some of the major kinds of selfishness are as follows.
➽ Good selfishness
As the name indicates that it is a good selfishness. What this basically means is that it is a win-win situation for the both of the parties. In this type of selfishness, the benefit is gained by both the parties.
Therefore, because of this, it is known to be good selfishness.
➽ Neutral selfishness
It is a neutral based selfishness because it doesn’t involve any other person. You can simply say that this type of neutral selfishness involves taking care of one’s own self. Or we can also say that these are based on the own actions of the social beings.
Involvement of other people is not included in this type of selfishness. An individual is usually dependent on his own self for his own benefit.
➽ Bad selfishness
Now, as the name here indicates that it is the opposite of the good selfishness.
In this specific type, all the benefit is taken by a single person only, while the other person won’t receive any benefit. Because of this win-lose situation, it is called as the bad type of selfishness because in this scenario, one person doesn’t get any benefit while the selfish one takes all the benefit.
Therefore, these are some of the main types of selfishness.
☬ What are examples of selfishness? ☬
Following are some of the very simple and easy to understand examples of selfishness.
➧ Not sharing things
If an individual is not sharing things with someone else, then he is definitely depicting selfishness.
➧ Withholding some information
Similarly, withholding some information that would be beneficial to one’s own self also comes in the category of selfishness.
➧ Not listening
Not listening to someone else is also an example of selfishness because it depicts the personal benefits of an individual.
➧ Taking all credit
Another example is that in selfishness, an individual takes all the credit for himself. Instead of giving many friends their due credit, all the credit is taken by one person depicting selfishness.
➧ Not respecting time of others
Another example includes not respecting the time of others.
☀ What causes a person to be selfish? ☀
❅ Not having enough
Talking in a general sense, the feeling of not having enough can raise the selfishness in a person.
❅ Insecurity of losing that one has
The insecurity of losing one’s own resources causes a person to be more selfish. It is possible that they might feel badly and feel lonely because of the insecurity of losing their resources and as a result might adopt selfishness behavior.
❅ Narcissistic personality disorder(NPD)
This narcissistic personality disorder can also be a major cause of selfishness. This is mainly because people suffering from this disorder do not care about the needs of others and as a result, it can lead towards selfishness.
❅ Mental illness
Furthermore, different types of mental illness can also be associated with causing selfishness in an individual. Such various mental illness increase the individuals self involvement and ultimately lead to selfishness.
🤔 Conclusions 🤔
Selfishness is simply prioritizing one’s needs and requirements over other people. This selfishness may cause some serious damage to one’s personal life and to the life of people around them as well.
What you need to do is analyze the situation and act accordingly. You should have a thoughtful conversation with that person, but if it doesn’t lead to a better ground, then you should let them know that they can’t control you.
Ultimately, just wait for them to change or let them go.
📝 Relevant Questions 📝
Q: Why Being selfish is not good?
A: Being selfish is definitely not good because it mostly harms the people that are around us. Further, not only this, rather this selfishness breeds dissatisfaction and makes the people not to deal with such an individual.
Being selfish is also worse because it leads towards self hatred.
Q: What’s the difference between self centered and selfish?
A: Basically a self centered person is that who is only concerned with himself and his own needs. A self centered person is all about himself and his needs.
Whereas, a selfish person is the one that wants everything for his own self without thinking about the needs of others.
Q: What causes self centered behavior?
A: Self centered personality trait usually includes caring about one’s own self and not seeing the perspectives of others. If we consider the causes of this self centered behavior of people, then it can be said to be developed by the experience that the people go through. For instance, it is said that lonely people often become self centered.
Hence, through the life experiences, this behavior can generally be developed.
Q: What is a controlling person?
A: A controlling person is actually that individual who tries to make the things work according to his own ways. In simple terms, we can say that the controlling persons are the ones who insist on having the things according to their ways.
Such individuals try to control the situations as well as other people according to their own personal choice.
In my opinion, this is rather an unhealthy approach that causes certain complications as well but still, such controlling people place themselves as in-charge and make the things work out according to their own way.
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Author: Ruth Jesse
Ruth is a life coach who specialises in relationships and career development. Outside work, she loves writing novels and guides for personal development.